Visit my other blog »

Thursday, August 13, 2009

World's Shortest Fairy Tale...

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

Friday, August 7, 2009

Bottled Water

Bottled water in your car is very dangerous!

On the Ellen show, Sheryl Crow said that this is what caused her breast cancer.
It has been identified as the most common cause of the high levels of dioxin in breast cancer tissue.

Sheryl Crow's oncologist told her: women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car. The heat reacts with the chemicals in the plastic of the bottle which releases dioxin into the water. Dioxin is a toxin increasingly found in breast cancer tissue. So please be careful and do not drink bottled water that has been left in a car.

Pass this on to all the women in your life. This information is the kind we need to know that just might save us! Use a stainless steel canteen or a glass bottle instead of plastic!

LET EVERYONE WHO HAS A WIFE / GIRLFRIEND / DAUGHTER KNOW PLEASE!
This information is also being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center .
No plastic containers in microwave. No water bottles in freezer. No plastic wrap in microwave.

A dioxin chemical causes cancer, especially breast cancer.. Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard.

He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers...
This especially applies to foods that contain fat.

He said that the combination of fat, high heat and plastic releases dioxin into the body.

Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So, such things as TV dinners, instant soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else.

Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons...

Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran wrap, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Crabby Old Man

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Nebraska , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value

Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem . Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital .

One nurse took her copy to Missouri . The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet .


Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, . . . . . . . not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . .. . . . . and makes no reply .
When you say in a loud voice . . . . .. 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . . . . . the things that you do .
And forever is losing . . . . . . . . ... . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . . . . . . . lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . . . ... . The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? . . . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . . you're not looking at me .

I'll tell you who I am ... . . . . . . .As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . . . as I eat at your will .
I'm a small child of Ten . . . . . . . with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . . . . who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen . . . . . . . with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . . . .. . . a lover he'll meet ...
A groom soon at Twenty . . . . . my heart gives a leap .
Remembering, the vows . . . . . . that I promised to keep .

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . ... . . ... . I have young of my own ..
Who need me to guide . . . .. . . . .And a secure happy home .
A man of Thirty . . . . . . . . ... . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . . ... . . . With ties that should last .

At Forty, my young sons .. . . . . . . ...have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . . . to see I don't mourn
At Fi fty, once more, ... . . . . . . Babies play ' round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . . . ... My loved one and me ...

Dark days are upon me . ... . . . . . . . My wife is now dead .
I look at the future ... . . . . . . . . . I shudder with dread .
For my young are all rearing . . . . . . young of their own .
And I think of the years . . .. . . . And the love that I've known

I'm now an old man ... . . . . . . . . and nature is cruel .
Tis jest to make old age . . . . . ... .look like a fool .
The body, it crumbles . . . . .. . . .grace and vigor, depart .
There is now a stone . . . . . . .. . where I once had a heart .

But inside this old carcass . .. . . . . .A young guy still dwells,
And now and again ... . . .. . . . . .my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . . . . . . .. . I remember the pain .
And I'm loving and living . . . .. . . . . . ... . . life over again .

I think of the years . all too few . . . . . . gone too fast .
And accept the stark fact . . . . . . . . that nothing can last .
So open your eyes, people . . . . . . . open and see..
Not a crabby old man . Look closer . . . see . . . . . . . . ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within . . . . . we will all, one day, be there, too!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Shopping Online

I love shopping online because it’s more convenient for me. I don’t drive and besides, I can save money because I don’t have to buy gas to go shopping. I can shop in the comfort of my home. I can search for the products that I want and I can even compare prices with other sites. I have a laptop which I bought last year and it's been so helpful to me because it's handy and I can take it when I travel. If you're looking for a good deal of laptop computers why not visit Shopwiki.com and I'm pretty sure you will find a lot of laptops to choose from different online stores.

At ShopWiki.com, you can search the products that you want to buy like Gateway laptop computer and then you can compare prices with other stores that sell this stuff. You can even read reviews of the website and the products from other buyers. You can search brands by price range to help me decide which product to buy. Shopping is that easy nowadays with the use of the internet.

ShopWiki will give a shopper everything. For a shopper, this means they can find anything and everything for sale on the web at ShopWiki.com. More products from more stores means better deals and savings for us shoppers. You don’t have to hop from one website to the other because you find everything at their site like tennis shoes which my hubby needs. Visit ShopWiki now and start your shopping.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

They said that laughter is a good medicine and it's free. Here's another joke that will surely make you laugh. I had a good laugh after reading this. Have fun reading.

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself... However, the gates are closed,and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.


St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,it is certainly good to see you.

We have heard a lot about you.. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have topass it before you can get into Heaven.'


Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'


St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:

How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:

What is God's first name?'


Forrest leaves to think the questions over.

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says,

'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers'


Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?

Shucks, that one is easy.. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'


The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.


'How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'


Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'


Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.. '


'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.

Let us go on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God's first name'?


'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy..'


'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'


'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied.

'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN...'


St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'




Give me a sense of humor, Lord.

Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,

To get some humor out of life,

And to pass it on to other folks.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Joke Time

If you're sad, just read these jokes and I'm pretty sure it will make you laugh. My sister sent this to my e-mail and I just wanna share it here. Enjoy and be happy! By the way, this is my first time to post in Tagalog-English language.

Sa Math Class...

Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito,

ilang piraso na?


Banong: 2 po mam!

Teacher: At kung hinati ko pa pareho?

Banong: 4 na piraso po!

Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.

Banong: 8 piraso po.

Teacher: Hinati ko pa.

Banong: 16 po mam.

Teacher: Hinati ko pa?

Banong: 32 piraso na po!

Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?

Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)

Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?

Banong: Ay susmaryosep mam! GINILING napo! GINILING!!!

SA BAKERY

Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.

Ale: Aba, sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto

pandesal!

Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?

ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.

TATAY: ano ung danktrak?

ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?

TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un...TEN MILLER!!!

Honeymoon...

BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.

GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Diba dati may alaga kang ahas?

BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!


BOY: Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat ng ginagawa ko

puro mali!

Lagi nalang ako mali!!! Di 'nyo na ako mahal!

AMA: Nagkakamali ka anak?

BOY: Shet! Mali na naman ako!!!


Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!

Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin malakas kumain, natutuwa ka.

Sino ba talaga ang
anak mo, ako o yong baboy?

Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!



BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa yo, pero hulaan mo muna!

GF: Sige, clue naman...

BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.

GF: Kwintas?

BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!


(Sa loob ng Mall)

GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.

Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!

GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since...


JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?

ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)

JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.

ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?

NARS: doc, bat tinanggihan nyo yung pasyente?

DR: alin, yung bakla?

NARS: opo. Baka sabihin namimili tayo, porket bading siya.

DR: ano naman raraspahin ko sa kanya?


FROG: what does my future hold?

FAIRY: you'll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.

FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?

FAIRY: no. in biology class


Things you don't want to hear during your own surgery:

-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?

-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!

-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.

-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?

-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!


inspiring quote of the day:

"hindi ako tamad. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos kasipagan ko."


'dear te, dear te, dear te!!!'

-sigaw ni Anabel Rama kay Lorin at Veniz (mga anak ni Rofa) habang

naglalaro ng tubig sa kanal.


MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?

MR: uhm.. both..

MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?

MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you're pretty ugly.


TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science. What is science?

PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!

TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?

PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.


AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.

(nilabas ni Inday)

INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would not relent

to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!

PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!

(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)


NOSEBLEED!!

BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?

PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.

BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?

PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!


DOC: umubo ka!

PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!

DOC: ubo pa!

PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!

DOC: okay.

PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?

DOC: may ubo ka.


MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.

CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?

MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina!

Happy trip na lang po!


Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke

at sabihin mo
18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for

child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng
face niya.

Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na

niya ito sa kin kasi 18 na ako.
Pagkatapos tignan ko daw

expression ng face mo.


Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta

kahit
di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!'


BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.

DAD: ha? aba'y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba'y di pa ba nila nakikita?


BOY1: nakakakawa naman lola mo.

BOY2: bakit?

BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.

Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.

BOY2: papansin lang yun!

BOY1: bakit?

BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!


A boss confused about his Math asked his secretary:

If I give you P3M less 17%, how much would you take off?

SECRETARY: everything sir! Dress, bra, panty!


TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa

dugo't pawis ng mga magsasaka?

MGA BATA: eeewwww!


BOY: is this your first time?

GIRL: (angrily) oo naman noh. You guys talaga. So kuleeet! Always asking me

the same question. Paulit-ulit. Hmp!


Magsyota sa motel.

BF: alam mo love, ikaw ang first girl na dinala ko dito.

GF: sinungaling. Sabi nila lagi ka dito!

BF: oo, pero ikaw lang talaga ang girl!


STUDENT: ma'am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na hindi ko naman ginawa?

TEACHER: natural hindi.

STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!

PARI: halika sa sulok

MADRE: bakit po?

PARI: sara mo pinto.

MADRE: wag po!

PARI: patayin mo ilaw!

MADRE: diyos ko po!

PARI: tamo rosary ko. Glow in the dark!


TITSER: bat ka na-late?

EDWARD: nawalan ho kasi ng 500 yung lalaki.

TITSER: tinulungan mo siyang maghanap?

EDWARD: hindi po, tinapakan ko lang hanggang umalis siya.


Sa kasalan

PARI: sana ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng pakakasalan mo.

GROOM: eto P5, father.

Tinignan ng pari ang bride.

PARI: eto P4 sukli mo iho.


Sabi nung friend ko, nakakalaki daw ng tiyan ang beer. Kasi noon minsan

nalasing siya, nabuntis siya!

Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.

ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.

LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!


JAIME ZOBEL DE AYALA: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Spanish.

HENRY SY: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Chinese.

LITO ATIENZA: 1/2 Hawaiian, 1/2 Polo.

MIKE ARROYO: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 pork.

JOHN OSMENA: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Pinay.

PROSPERO PICHAY: 1/2 Unggoy, 1/2 gulay.

GMA: 1/2 ... only.


SA OSPITAL.....

WIFE: hon, nahirapan ako huminga.

HUSBAND: kung nahirapan ka ng huminga, itigil mo na.


GF: magaling! At sino tong baby na nagtext sayo?

BF: ah eh kumpare ko yun! Lalake yun! Baby lang palayaw.

GF: oh eto replyan mo. Hindi daw kayo tuloy at may mens daw ang tarantado!


INA: anak, tawagan mo nga tatay mo sa celfon. Pauwiin mo dito.

[pagkatapos tawagan.]

ANAK: nay, babae po ang sumagot.

INA: lintik, sinasabi ko na nga ba, may tinatago yang tatay mo eh!

Anong sabi?

ANAK: 'you only have zero pesos in your account...' hindi ko na tinapos

nay mukhang matapobre.


Nagbubungkal ng lupa si Erap para magtanim. Akala ng nakakita

niloloko lang siya dahil wala
naman siyang tinatanim.

BANTAY: sir, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah.

ERAP: bobo! Seedless to!


ANAK: nay, ano po ba yung 10 commandments?

NANAY: yun yung sampung utos ng Diyos.

ANAK: mas makapangyarihan pa po pala kayo sa Diyos eh!

NANAY: bakit?

ANAK: ang dami niyong utos eh!


thought to ponder:

hindi kaya ang dahilan ng pagbaha sa panahon ni Noah ay

pinutol niya lahat
ng puno para gumawa ng napaka

laking arko? ano sa tingin mo?



PEDRO: niloko ko yung tindera kanina.

JUAN: paano mo naman niloko yung tindera?

PEDRO: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong celfon.

Kung totoo ang ' Darwin 's theory of evolution' na ang tao

ay nagmula sa unggoy, bakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo?


DORAY: mare, kulang pa kami ng isang miyembro. baka gusto

mong sumali sa paluwagan.


PINANG : hindi pa ako pwede, mare.

DORAY: bakit mare?

PINAY: virgin pa kasi ako.