My hubby sent the following e-mail to me. He usually forwards a lot of e-mails to me and most of the time, I only read those that interest me. Here's one of those e-mails from hubby that really made me laugh. I think it's funny but at the same time, we learn some lessons from it.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
NBL 5.0,
AFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:
Cooking 3.0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

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Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

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Bottled water in your car is very dangerous!

On the Ellen show, Sheryl Crow said that this is what caused her breast cancer.
It has been identified as the most common cause of the high levels of dioxin in breast cancer tissue.

Sheryl Crow's oncologist told her: women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car. The heat reacts with the chemicals in the plastic of the bottle which releases dioxin into the water. Dioxin is a toxin increasingly found in breast cancer tissue. So please be careful and do not drink bottled water that has been left in a car.

Pass this on to all the women in your life. This information is the kind we need to know that just might save us! Use a stainless steel canteen or a glass bottle instead of plastic!

LET EVERYONE WHO HAS A WIFE / GIRLFRIEND / DAUGHTER KNOW PLEASE!
This information is also being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center .
No plastic containers in microwave. No water bottles in freezer. No plastic wrap in microwave.

A dioxin chemical causes cancer, especially breast cancer.. Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard.

He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers...
This especially applies to foods that contain fat.

He said that the combination of fat, high heat and plastic releases dioxin into the body.

Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So, such things as TV dinners, instant soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else.

Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons...

Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran wrap, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

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When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Nebraska , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value

Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem . Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital .

One nurse took her copy to Missouri . The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet .


Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, . . . . . . . not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . .. . . . . and makes no reply .
When you say in a loud voice . . . . .. 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . . . . . the things that you do .
And forever is losing . . . . . . . . ... . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . . . . . . . lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . . . ... . The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? . . . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . . you're not looking at me .

I'll tell you who I am ... . . . . . . .As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . . . as I eat at your will .
I'm a small child of Ten . . . . . . . with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . . . . who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen . . . . . . . with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . . . .. . . a lover he'll meet ...
A groom soon at Twenty . . . . . my heart gives a leap .
Remembering, the vows . . . . . . that I promised to keep .

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . ... . . ... . I have young of my own ..
Who need me to guide . . . .. . . . .And a secure happy home .
A man of Thirty . . . . . . . . ... . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . . ... . . . With ties that should last .

At Forty, my young sons .. . . . . . . ...have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . . . to see I don't mourn
At Fi fty, once more, ... . . . . . . Babies play ' round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . . . ... My loved one and me ...

Dark days are upon me . ... . . . . . . . My wife is now dead .
I look at the future ... . . . . . . . . . I shudder with dread .
For my young are all rearing . . . . . . young of their own .
And I think of the years . . .. . . . And the love that I've known

I'm now an old man ... . . . . . . . . and nature is cruel .
Tis jest to make old age . . . . . ... .look like a fool .
The body, it crumbles . . . . .. . . .grace and vigor, depart .
There is now a stone . . . . . . .. . where I once had a heart .

But inside this old carcass . .. . . . . .A young guy still dwells,
And now and again ... . . .. . . . . .my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . . . . . . .. . I remember the pain .
And I'm loving and living . . . .. . . . . . ... . . life over again .

I think of the years . all too few . . . . . . gone too fast .
And accept the stark fact . . . . . . . . that nothing can last .
So open your eyes, people . . . . . . . open and see..
Not a crabby old man . Look closer . . . see . . . . . . . . ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within . . . . . we will all, one day, be there, too!

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I love shopping online because it’s more convenient for me. I don’t drive and besides, I can save money because I don’t have to buy gas to go shopping. I can shop in the comfort of my home. I can search for the products that I want and I can even compare prices with other sites. I have a laptop which I bought last year and it's been so helpful to me because it's handy and I can take it when I travel. If you're looking for a good deal of laptop computers why not visit Shopwiki.com and I'm pretty sure you will find a lot of laptops to choose from different online stores.

At ShopWiki.com, you can search the products that you want to buy like Gateway laptop computer and then you can compare prices with other stores that sell this stuff. You can even read reviews of the website and the products from other buyers. You can search brands by price range to help me decide which product to buy. Shopping is that easy nowadays with the use of the internet.

ShopWiki will give a shopper everything. For a shopper, this means they can find anything and everything for sale on the web at ShopWiki.com. More products from more stores means better deals and savings for us shoppers. You don’t have to hop from one website to the other because you find everything at their site like tennis shoes which my hubby needs. Visit ShopWiki now and start your shopping.

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They said that laughter is a good medicine and it's free. Here's another joke that will surely make you laugh. I had a good laugh after reading this. Have fun reading.

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself... However, the gates are closed,and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.


St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,it is certainly good to see you.

We have heard a lot about you.. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have topass it before you can get into Heaven.'


Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'


St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:

How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:

What is God's first name?'


Forrest leaves to think the questions over.

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says,

'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers'


Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?

Shucks, that one is easy.. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'


The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.


'How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'


Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'


Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.. '


'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.

Let us go on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God's first name'?


'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy..'


'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'


'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied.

'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN...'


St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'




Give me a sense of humor, Lord.

Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,

To get some humor out of life,

And to pass it on to other folks.

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