OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel.
OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel.
Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel.
Can't buy it? Tough! Eat your oil!
Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled filet of camel ass!!!
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The American Institute of Cancer Research is urging everyone to rethink the pastime of barbecuing meat.
After analyzing the results of 7,000 studies, the Institute concluded that grilling any meat -- whether red, white or fish -- produces potent carcinogens.
The high heat of grilling reacts with proteins in red meat, poultry and fish, creating heterocyclic amines, which are linked to cancer. Another form of cancer-causing agents, polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, are created when juices from meats drip and hit the heat source. They then rise in smoke and can stick to the meat.
The Institute took particular aim at processed meats like hot dogs, sausages, bacon, ham, pastrami, salami and any meat that has been salted, smoked or cured. The chemicals used to preserve the meat increase the production of cancer-causing compounds, regardless of how the meat is cooked.
The Institute’s report said it “could find no amount of processed meat that is safe to eat.”
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began
wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten
dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.
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I received this e-mail yesterday and I just want to share it here. My hubby had been a victim of this when he used my Paypal debit card in purchasing gas. My debit card was charged and additional $40 dollars when my hubby bought gas in the gas station. We were so puzzled how it happened until I read this e-mail. So this is how they do it. Read on...
Jim just told me about something that happened to one of his coworkers. She used her credit/debit card to purchase gas at the pump (like most of us do). She received her receipt like normal. However, when she checked her statement, there were 2 $50 charges added in addition to her purchase. Upon investigation, she found out that because she did not press the 'clear' button on the pump, the employee inside the store was able to use her card to purchase his/her own gas! To keep this from happening, after you get your receipt, you must press the 'CLEAR' button or your information will be stored until the next customer inserts their card. Be sure to tell all your friends/family so that this doesn't happen to them!
