It's not so complicated!

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are pigs.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank GOD are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO IN THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

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I haven't seen people doing skiing and snowboarding here in Texas because we don't get snow here like other states. We only have snow once in a while and it lasted only for a day or two. In northern states where there are snow, skiing and snowboarding are popular sports. There's a site that sells Burton snowboards for all people who are into this sport. Burton Snowboards, the world's first snowboard factory, is a rider-driven company solely dedicated to creating the best snowboarding equipment on the planet. They sell different styles and designs of snowboards for men and women. The good thing is that they marked down the prices of their products so better avail of their offer. It won't last long.

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I've been doing my rounds to request my co-bloggers to update my blog's URL and I found out that some bloggers didn't link my site to their sites. I have linked their sites when they requested me to link them but it seems like they didn't do the same. I feel really disgusted so I requested them to link me up too. Their sites have been link here long time ago. It's really unfair. It should be a reciprocal linking since they requested to be linked here but they didn't do their part. So what I did, I deleted some of the blogs that linked here that didn't link me back. Please be fair, if you requested to be link here, link me back too.

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As years pass by, people are getting older and before you know it, you will be in your golden years. Then a few years after, you will be a senior citizen in this country. Old folks tend to become weaker and they need some support to do the things they used to do independently. It would be a good idea to install walkin baths for them to be able to bathe themselves safely without being worried of being slipped in the floor. Remain Active's walk in tubs coordinate with all dcors, and will accommodate any bathroom that has an existing regular sized bathtub. It comes with a low 6 step threshold, ergonomically positioned bathtub safety bar, ADA approved fixtures, and deck mounted hand held shower head. With this in your bathroom, you will have the bathing experience you have been longing for!

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This is the front of our concrete fence in our house in the Philippines. My hubby wanted it to be painted with a scenic view and so he asked the friend of my brother who is his painting tutor to paint it. I printed the picture of the view from the internet. My brother helped his tutor to paint our fence, both sides from our gate. After it was painted, all of the people passing by the street can't help themselves but to turn their neck and look. Even the people inside the cars and buses that passed by were looking. It was really an attraction because it's only our fence which was painted with a scenic view. By the way, the painter was a lady. She was really good. it's been almost 5 years now and it's already fading but my brother had been retouching it. By the way, my sister e-mailed me this photo today.

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A lot of people here in the US love to shop. Whenever I go to the mall, I see a lot of people there shopping from teens, young and old alike. My hubby doesn't want to go on a crowded store to shop that's why he doesn't want to go with me in the mall to shop especially during the day after Thanksgiving. As you all know, that's the day wherein most people go shopping for the coming Christmas season and the prizes are really marked down during that day. So I can't do anything if my hubby doesn't wanna go because I don't drive. I can't go alone by myself. So instead of sulking I just go online and shop there. It's hassle free and I don't have to fall in a long line to wait in the checkout. There's this website that I've came across which features discounts and sales that various merchants are offering. Cyber Monday is a website which helped show people that they can save money when shopping for Christmas by buying items during Cyber Monday, which is the Monday after Thanksgiving. You can find different merchant stores in this site that offers discounted prices and bfads in their stores. I found out that they carry Wal Mart here which is my hubby's favorite store. I can shop here online and buy the things I want to give for Christmas to my family and loved ones. With the discounts that this site offers, I can surely save money.

The site also offers email alerts that let you know when new cyber monday sales have been posted. They tried to make it a consumer friendly site that was useful for planning your holiday shopping last year. Just go to their site and submit your e-mail address to receive the e-mail alerts.

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I never thought of this.......I wouldn't do it anyhow, but maybe
somebody would.

This lady has changed her habit of how she lists her names on her
mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which
contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... etc... was stolen.

20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone
telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking
about our Pin number and I replied a little while ago.

When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the
money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen
cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin
number.

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The media has done a good job of convincing many that Bush has done such a terrible job. Check your tax bill before you criticize!!!

Based on using the actual tax tables (see link below), here are some examples on what the taxes were/are on various amounts of income for both singles and married couples. so let's see if the Bush tax cuts only helped the rich.
http://www.taxfoundation.org/publications/show/151.html

Taxes under Clinton 1999 Taxes under Bush 2008
Single making 30K - tax $8,400 Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $14,000 Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $23,250 Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K - tax $16,800 Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $21,000 Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $38,750 Married making 125K - tax $31,250

If you want to know just how effective the mainstream media is, it is amazing how many people that fall into the categories above think Bush is screwing them and Bill Clinton was the greatest President ever. If any democrat is elected, ALL of them say they will repeal the Bush tax cuts and a good portion of the people that fall into the categories above .

I can't wait for it to happen.

This is like the movie The Sting with Paul Newman; you scam somebody out of some money and they don't even know what happened.

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A long overdue tag from Lira.

*Start Copy*

Well, they say this is viral linking and may take your time and effort but will give you returns too.
As the original postee on this saying: It’s for your own page rank booster.

“The benefits of Viral Linking:
~One of the fastest ways to see your Technorati Authority explode!
~Increase your Google PageRank fast
~Attract large volume of new traffic to your site
~Build your community Make new friends!”

Moreover, the following have already made their part on joining these tags. Don’t forget to add their links as well..Simply view the source of this post and copy so you take and make it easily.

Blognation, Pinoytek, Reyna, Bluep, Kotsengkuba, Buraot, Iris, KCee, Banco De Reyna, Mitch, Melai, Malen, Beng, Sasha, Divaness, Jojitah, Blog1 , Bloglearner, FoodlifegoodnessTaveller, Joanjoyce, Redrouge, Random Thoughts , Paradigm, Glamshit Babe, Hail and Farewell , Twerlermz' Blog, Anything and Everything , Tasteful Voyage , A mom's note , Thoughts Of Me, My Online Journal, Precious Words, In My Kitchen, My Colorful World, Your link here…

*End Copy*

I am tagging my following friends and hope you would join the list :

Rocks

Mabelle

Jhona

Petra

Nancy

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I've seen some cars with personalized private number plates that are so unique and I just wondered how did they acquire it. It is really an attention-getter and I wish my hubby can get one like that. I didn't know that there's a website where you can get Private Plates for your cars. This is probably the best value private number plates and personalized car registrations on the internet. You can search millions of cherished car number plates, ageless car registrations, prefix type personalized number plates and current style number plates in this site. The good thing is that they do the transfer paperwork for you. They don't just send you a certificate and leave you to do the work yourself. This is a cool site. I would have to suggest to my hubby to browse this site and get a personalized private plate for our van.

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Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .

1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles

2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles

3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas

4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883.

5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.

6. The Heisman Trophy ws named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston .

7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America.

8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.

9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.

10. Worst natural disaster (a hurricane) in US history was in 1900, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .

11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was " Houston ."

12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .

13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.

14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.

15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.

16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.

17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.

18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington -on- the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia and Austin .

19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).

20. The name " Texas " comes from the Hasini Indian word "tejas" meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .

21. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.).

22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .



Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas:

(1) Just one God.

(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.

(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.

(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.

(5) Put nothin' before God.

(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.

(7) No killin'.

(8) Watch yer mouth.

(9) Don't take what ain't yers.

(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's kinda plain an' simple don'tcha think?

Just two things that were not included, so far:

1) Astro turf was invented for the Astrodome in Houston

2) Palestine , TX was left off the cities list

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I always thought that military and police uniforms look so elegant. It makes the officers wearing it look dignified. I just stumbled upon a website that sells BDU Pants for those men in service. LA Police Gear is an online store where you can buy BDU Pants at prices you just can not beat. LA Police Gear is the number one source for military pants.

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I've been living here in Texas for 4 1/2 years now and I've learned to love this place and the people here. There are lots of things written about Texas and here are some of it.

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas...

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas ;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas ;

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas ;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas ;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas ;

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas ;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas ;

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas ;

If you find 60 degrees "a little chilly," you may live in Texas ;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas .



Need to be cheered up?

Happy, Texas 79042

Pep, Texas 79353

Smiley, Texas 78159

Paradise, Texas 76073

Rainbow, Texas 76077

Sweet Home, Texas 77987

Comfort, Texas 78013

Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?

Sun City, Texas 78628

Sunrise, Texas 76661

Sunset, Texas 76270

Sundown, Texas 79372

Sunray, Texas 79086

Sunny Side , Texas 77423

Want something to eat?

Bacon, Texas 76301

Noodle, Texas 79536

Oatmeal, Texas 78605

Turkey, Texas 79261

Trout, Texas 75789

Sugar Land, Texas 77479

Salty, Texas 76567

Rice, Texas 75155

And top it off with:

Sweetwater, Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!

Detroit, Texas 75436

Colorado City, Texas 79512

Denver City, Texas 79323

Klondike, Texas 75448

Nevada, Texas 75173

Memphis, Texas 79245

Miami, Texas 79059

Boston, Texas 75570

Santa Fe, Texas 77517

Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861

Reno, Texas 75462



Feel like traveling to far off lands? Don't bother buying a plane ticket!

Athens, Texas 75751

Canadian, Texas 79014

China, Texas 77613

Egypt, Texas 77436

Ireland, Texas 76538

Turkey, Texas 79261

London, Texas 76854

New London, Texas 75682

Paris, Texas 75460



No need to travel to Washington D.C .

Whitehouse, Texas 75791



We even have a city named after our planet!

Earth, Texas 79031



And a city named after our State!

Texas City, Texas 77590



Exhausted?

Energy, Texas 76452



Cold?

Blanket, Texas 76432

Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?

Santa Anna, Texas

Goliad, Texas

Alamo, Texas

Gun Barrel City, Texas

Robert lee, Texas


Need Office Supplies?

Staples, Texas 78670


Men are from Mars, women are from:

Venus, Texas 76084


You guessed it..it's on the state line..

Texline, Texas 79087


For the kids...

Kermit, Texas 79745

Elmo, Texas 75118

Nemo, Texas 76070

Tarzan, Texas 79783

Winnie, Texas 77665

Sylvester, Texas 79560


Other city names in Texas , to make you smile.....

Frognot, Texas 75424

Bigfoot, Texas 78005

Hogeye, Texas 75423

Cactus, Texas 79013

Notrees, Texas 79759

Best, Texas 76932

Veribest, Texas 76886

Kickapoo, Texas 75763

Dime Box , Texas 77853

Old Dime Box , Texas 77853

Telephone, Texas 75488

Telegraph, Texas 76883

Whiteface, Texas 79379

Twitty, Texas 79079


And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City

Kilgore, Texas 75662


And our favorites...

Cut n Shoot, Texas

Gun Barrell City, Texas

Hoop And Holler, Texas

Ding Dong, Texas

and, of course,

Muleshoe , Texas

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A lot of people use their credit cards unwisely. They buy unimportant things until they max out their credit card. When their bills arrive they can't afford to pay it and it results to bad credit history. Well, this is the result of living beyond their means, bad credit. People with poor credit often find it difficult to be approved for a regular credit card. It's good there's one website that offers bad credit credit cards to people with bad credit history. They have the right cards for people with low credit score, limited credit history and those people looking to get their credit back on track. Consumers can apply for the offer that's right for them. No matter what your credit history is, you still can apply online in their website. They also offer bad credit loans for those people in need . They give you a chance to stand on your feet again.

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With all the new technology regarding
fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to
give birth.

When she was discharged from the hospital
and went home, her relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make
coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another
relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another f ew minutes had elapsed, they
asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well,
when can we see the baby?"

"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded

"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?

"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?"

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Think carefully about what you will be reading.
This is a new one for me...


Mary had a little Lamb,
His fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The Lamb was sure to go.


He followed her to school each day,
T'wasn't even in the rule.
It made the children laugh and play,
To have a Lamb at school.


And then the rules all changed one day,
Illegal it became;
To bring the Lamb of God to school,
Or even speak His Name!


Every day got worse and worse,
And days turned into years.
Instead of hearing children laugh,
We heard gun shots and tears.


What must we do to stop the crime,
That's in our schools today?
Let's let the Lamb come back to school,
And teach our kids to pray!

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I've been using a dial up connection for a while and I tell you, it's so slow. It takes ages to download and browse other sites. So I switched to DSL a few months ago. It's really faster to browse the internet and to download some programs. Now I want to subscribe for wireless internet so I can use my laptop anywhere around the house. I've been searching for the best internet services provider when I came across this site where I can get information and deals for broadband access services like DSL, cable, wireless and satellite. I browsed their wireless internet providers because this is what I've been wanting to have. I can compare services with those sites that offer it. Also I browsed their DSL service providers to see who offer the best deal and services. If you're not satisfied with your internet providers, just go to this site and look for the best internet providers that will suit your need.

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A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what's the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars? Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that. So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would!? We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied "Yes . . . Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two hookers and a homo."

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Stay with this -- the answer is at the end.
It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandpa replied, 'Well, let me think a
minute, I was born before:

' television

' penicillin

' polio shots

' frozen foods

' Xerox

' contact lenses

' Frisbees and

' the pill

There was no:

' radar

' credit cards

' laser beams or

' ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

' pantyhose

' air conditioners

' dishwashers

' clothes dryers

' and the clothes were hung out to
dry in the fresh air and

' man hadn't yet walked on the moon


Your Grandmother and I got married first, and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, 'Sir'. And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.'

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, day-care centres, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and
common sense..

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up
and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and
weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, ride on a bus, and a Coke were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

' 'grass' was mowed,

' 'coke' was a cold drink,

' 'pot' was something your mother
cooked in and

' 'rock music' was your grandmother's
lullaby.

' 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's
office,

' ' chip' meant a piece of wood,

' 'hardware' was found in a hardware
store and

' 'software' wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say there is a generation gap.. and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it
and pretty sad at the same time.


This man would be only
58 years old!

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Two businessmen in New York City are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be opened new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready. Only a few shelves are set up and nothing was yet on display.
One says to the other, 'I bet any minute now some stupid tourist is going to walk by, look in the window, stick his face in the door, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious gentleman walks to the window, has a
peek, sticks his head in the door and in a Texan drawl asks, 'What're y'all sellin' here?'
One of the men replies, 'Oh! We're selling assholes here'
Without skipping a beat, the Texan says, 'Well, I see y'all're doing real good; you only got two left!'

NEW YORKERS SHOULD NOT MESS WITH TEXANS.

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We all know that we're now living in the world of high technology. With all the latest in electronics and computers, there's no doubt about it. I just wish I could go to a technical school and gain more knowledge about computer programming and the internet. I was just browsing the net when I came across this site where I can find tech schools to get the right training. I guess this is needed to gain more knowledge in the field of computer courses. They offer it training in all their schools in the country.

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Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at
the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the
one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's
up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.

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Medical jobs has a high demand here in the US. Many medical professionals from overseas are coming here to seek greener pasture. Maybe it's about time that people here in this country should go in to medical careers like becoming an ultrasound technologist or sonographer. There's a site where you can find an ultrasound tech school in different states in the country. Be a sonographer and you can do the job of viewing a fetus in the womb. Just browse the site and then enroll in their ultrasound technician school and get the medical training that you need for your chosen career.

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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr . Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, yo u cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

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A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!**

1.*Don't change horses until they stop running.*
2.*Strike while the bug is close.*
3.*It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.*
4.*Never underestimate the power of termites.*
5.*You can lead a horse to water but how?*
6.*Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.*
7.*No news is impossible*
8.*A miss is as good as a Mr.*
9.*You can't teach an old dog new Math*
10.*If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.*
11.*Love all, trust me.*
12.*The pen is mightier than the pigs.*
13.*An idle mind is the best way to relax.*
14.*Where there's smoke there's pollution.*
15.*Happy the bride who gets all the presents.*
16.*A penny saved is not much.*
17.*Two's company, three's The Musketeers.*
18.*Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.*
19.*Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.*
20.*There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.*
21.*Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.*
22.*If at first you don't succeed, get new batteries.*
23.*You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box*
24.*When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.*
25.*A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.*

*And the WINNER and last one!*
26.*Better late than pregnant*

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I like sending greeting cards to my family and friends in the Philippines during special occasions like Christmas or birthdays. It's a good way to keep in touch with them and also showing them that I always remember them. When I was working at the base, I used to buy greetings cards at the BX. I'm not working no more and I don't drive so I can't go to the store to buy some cards to send to my loved ones. But I will just order birthday cards online at Cards Direct. This site is known for serving businesses who want to print out their own business greeting cards and customize them with their company logo or standard blurb. I believe that stay-at-home moms will consider purchasing from CardsDirect because it's less hassle to do it. They just go online and purchase it by box so when they will need to send cards to their friends and loved ones, they will just address and sign it. It's not easy to go out shopping for cards if moms have kids to take care of. One good thing about the cards in this site is that they can be personalized. I received some personalized cards last Christmas and I've been wanting to order cards like those. So I guess I've found the store where I can order personalized cards.

I really like their cards in this site and the card that caught my eye is the Gerbera Daisies Happy Birthday Card. I think this is so beautiful!

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A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea
and only two of the me n on it were able
to swim to a small, desert like island.
The two survivors, not knowing what else to do,
agree that they had no other recourse
but to pray to God.
However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful,
they agreed to divide the territory between them
and stay on opposite sides of the island.


The first thing the first man prayed for was food.
The next morning, the first man saw
a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land,
and he was able to eat its fruit.

The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely
and he decided to pray for a wife.
The next day, another ship was wrecked,
and the only survivor was a woman
who swam to his side of the land.

On the other side of the island,
there was nothing.

Soon the first man prayed for a house,
clothes, more food.
The next day, like magic,
all of these were given to him.

However,
the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship,
so that his wife and he could leave the island.
In the morning, he found a ship docked
at his side of the island.

The first man boarded the ship with his wife
and decided to leave the second man on the island.
He considered the other man unworthy
to receive God's blessings,
since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave,
the first man heard a voice from Heaven booming,

'Why are you leaving your companion on the island?'

'My blessings are mine alone,
since I was the one who prayed for them,'
the first man answered.
'His prayers were all unanswered,
and so he does not deserve anything.'

'You are mistaken!'
the voice rebuked him.
'He had only one prayer,
which I answered.
If not for that, you would not have
received any of my blessings.'

'Tell me ,' the first man asked the voice,
'what did he pray for that I
should owe him anything?'

'He prayed that all your prayers be answered.'

For all we know, our blessings are not
the fruits of our prayers alone,
but those of another praying for us.

When Jesus died on the cross
he was thinking of you and me!

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It really fascinates me how they do x-rays, MRIs, and other imaging technologies. We're living in a high technology world. If you are interested to become an x-ray technician you need to check out this site where you can find the schools that offer the said course. Becoming an X-ray Technician requires extensive knowledge of both anatomy and imaging technology. You need a good school to get your education to prepare you for the job. Visit Medical Career Training and find the school where you would get the proper training.

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I got this e-mail from my hubby. These pictures really made me smile. They are so funny. I think it's worth sharing it here. Take a look.










If you don't pass this along to at least 5 friends,
a dog will come out and pee on your computer


send it fast enough

Live Well :) Laugh Often :) Love Much :)

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If you love fashion and is considering to enroll in one of the fashion schools here in the US, then you need to check out this site. Fashion School Finder can help you get that career you've been dreaming of. By enrolling in one of their schools which offers fashion careers, you will be getting the right education and knowledge to fulfill your dreams of becoming a successful fashion designer. A lot of fashion jobs will be after you once you finished your fashion education.

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He was crucified and buried,
But today the whole world knows
The Resurrection story
Of how Jesus Christ arose.

Some may question it and doubt it,
But they can't explain or say
Why, after countless centuries,
Men still follow Christ today.

And they miss the peace and comfort
That the Easter story brings,
The promise of eternal life
And the hope for better things.

For just to know the Savior died
To redeem and save all men,
And that because He gave His life,
We, too, shall live again,
Makes all this world's uncertainties,
Its burdens, care, and strife
Seem meaningless when they're compared
To God's eternal life.

And Easter, as it comes each year
To awake the sleeping earth,
Assures mankind that Jesus Christ
Has promised us rebirth.

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I love diamonds and I wish I can buy one for me. The only diamond ring I had which my hubby gave me was stolen a year ago. I really felt bad because that's supposed to be our engagement ring. I've been requesting my hubby to replace it. I've found a site that sells diamond rings and they have a wide range of engagement, wedding and anniversary diamond jewelries. The site's design is really cool and they offer technical support and the site is secure if you purchase their product. This is a good site to buy engagement rings so I have to ask my hubby to buy me one from them and replace my stolen engagement ring that he gave me.

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Do you remember?


The clothes line....a dead give away. Do the kids today even know what a clothes line is?
For all of us who are older, this will bring back the memories.

THE BASIC RULES
1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any clothes. Walk the length of each line with a damp cloth around the line.

2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order and always hang whites with whites and hang them first.

3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders, always by the tail. What would the neighbors think?

4. Wash day on a Monday...........never hang clothes on the weekend or Sunday for heaven's sake!

5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your 'unmentionables' in the middle.

6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather.....clothes would 'freeze dry.'

7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes. Pins left on the line was 'tacky'.

8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.

9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket and ready to be ironed.

10. IRONED?????????? Well, that's a whole other subject.


A POEM
A clothes line was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by.
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.

It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.

For then you'd see the 'fancy sheets'
&n bsp;And towels upon the line;
You'd see the 'company table cloths'
With intricate design.

The line announced a baby's birth
To folks who lived inside
As brand new infant clothes were hung
So carefully with pride.

The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed
You'd know how much they'd grown.

It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.

It said, 'Gone on vacation now'
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, 'We're &n bsp;back!' when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare.

New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way..

But clotheslines now are of the past
For dryers make work less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess.

I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line!

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I just watched the premier telecast of KC Concepcion's tv anthology. It's a comedy and it's entertaining. She's grown to be a very beautiful lady and her looks is a combination of Gabby and Sharon. When she was young she was a carbon copy of her dad but now, you can tell by her looks that she got some of her facial features from her famous mom too. Watch her tv show at Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE

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Though I don't work in an office no more and I'm just a stay-at- home wife, I still want my skin to look vibrant and healthy. I believe most women out there want the same for their skin too. Not only women are concern about the look of their skin, even men too. I know some men go to a spa or saloon to have a facial treatment too. So skin care is for all, young and old, male and female. Most of the beauty saloons and spas use machines for the skin treatment of their customers. If you own a beauty saloon or spa, you can buy Microdermabrasion Machine & Equipments at Classic Spa Collection. They have all the beauty equipments you need for your business like the Electric Chairs, Microdermabrasion Machines, etc. You name it and they have it. Even if you don't have a business and you want to have one for your personal use, you can order from them. All their products come with a warranty and superb customer service. Since you are buying directly from CSC, you are guaranteed to save money on your purchases like Facial Equipments. Eliminating the middleman can save you hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars on a new electric Facial Bed or a high-quality Oxygen & Scrubber Machine. They stock one of the largest inventories in North America, so you can be assured that you have your items as quickly as possible. Almost all items will ship within 24 hours of purchase, so you will receive your Multi Function Spa Equipments or Wet Spa & Vichy Showers and other important purchase quickly.

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Take a deep breath and look at this one. He is I think a candidate for the Darwin Awards.

I personally think he is a candidate for the funny farm.

Grand Canyon Photographer

This is a case of a photographer photographing another photographer. The following pictures were taken by Hans van de Vorst from the Netherlands at the Grand Canyon, Arizona. The descriptions are his own. The identity of the photographer in the photos is unknown.


I was simply stunned seeing this guy standing on this solitary rock in the Grand Canyon.


The canyon's depth is 900 meters here. The rock on the right is next to the canyon and safe.


Watching this guy on his thong sandals, with a camera and a tripod I asked myself 3 questions:


1. How did he climb that rock?

2. Why not take that sunset picture from that r ock to the right, which is perfectly safe?


3. How will he get back?


After the sun set behind the canyon's horizon he packed his things (having only one hand available) and prepared himself for the jump.
This took about 2 minutes. At that point he had the full attention of the crowd.

This is the point of no return.
After that, he jumped on his thong sandals...
The canyon's depth is 900 meters (3,000 feet) here.

Now you can see that the adjacent rock is higher so he tried to land lower, which is quite steep and tried to use his one hand to grab the rock.


We've come to the end of this story. Look carefully at the photographer.
He has a camera, a tripod and also a plastic bag, all on his shoulder or in his left hand.
Only his right hand is available to grab the rock and the weight of his stuff is a problem.
He lands low on his flip flops, both his right hand and right foot slip away...

At that moment I take this shot. He pushes his body against the rock.
He waits for a few seconds, throws his stuff on the rock, climbs and walks away. Presumably to a bathroom to change his shorts.

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Vitamin C is an essential nutrient for everyone. If you don't get vitamin C from your diet, your health will deteriorate, and you could even die. 40-95 milligrams is the suggested daily intake. Many proponents of this nutrient suggest taking larger amounts of Vitamin C for improved health and wellness. How can you get more vitamin C? Here are a few good sources of vitamin C: Foods high in vatamin C include oranges, goji, persimmons, paypaya, kiwi, guava, and black currants. You can also take a natural vitamin C supplement, such as Vitamin C Ultra, which is made by FreeLife.

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I got this e-mail from my sister. This is very informative and I hope it will benefit my readers.

HEALTH TIP OF THE WEEK

Be Careful while eating apples

Please don't eat the skin of the apple because it's coated with wax.

Check before you eat many of the fruits.

WAX is being used as preservation Purposes and then cold stored.
You might be surprised especially apples from USA and other parts are more than one year old, though it would look fresh. Becox wax is coated preventing bacteria to enter. So it does not get dry.

Please Eat Apples after taking the wax as demonstrated below. Please follow this and let know others..........

Hope it will be of benefits to you & others. Wishing you all a happy healthy life.

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It's not easy to apply for a loan if you have a bad credit history or no credit history at all. My hubby tried to buy a new car but he was not approved because he doesn't have a credit history. He didn't want to apply for a credit card or used any credit card before. Now, he can't be approved in buying a new car because he has no credit history. I don't know which is better, no credit or bad credit history. I told my hubby to start building up his credit history so he can get a better mortgage. I have to tell him about this site that I came across the internet so he can apply for a loan. They offer different kinds of loan and they have personal finance archives to choose from. This site offers low interest rates which all customers are looking for. My hubby should start building up his credit history so he can get a credit card later on.

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I had my hair cut when we went to Alvarado last week. My hair has grown and I needed it to be cut because it's hard to manage a long hair. Besides, I have a falling hair whenever I comb it after taking a shower. I think my hair doesn't like the chlorinated tap water and also the shampoos that I've been using. I went to a hair salon where Shelly had her hair cut but it was closed when we went there at past 3:00 PM. They only charge $10 there. Hubby said we'll just go back the next day but I didn't want to go back the next day. I wanted to have my hair cut that very same day. So hubby drove me to Pro-Cuts hair salon and had my hair cut there. They only charged $11.95, cheaper than the hair salons here in Wichita Falls. I didn't give any tip to the hair stylist because it only took her a few minutes to cut my hair, being thin. I like my hair now, easier to manage.

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Are you fond of playing online games? I'm not really into it but I believe some people are. If you're one of them, then you may want to try this site that I stumbled upon here in the internet. It looks like it's worth a look. Try multiplayer online games, a free to play site. Just register with your valid e-mail address to access any of their games like strategy war game which is a game of military and economic warfare in the Iraqi dessert. They have also racing game for those car racer fanatics. Just go online, register and start playing your online games now.

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This story really touched my heart when I first read it. I decided to post it here and share to others. I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl
tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year - old grandson.
The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.
The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and
failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about father,' said the son.
'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.
Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded,
'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.
' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless.
Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.
Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.
For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,
neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

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Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke,To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk.

Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the
Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the
altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the
altar.. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels
of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now,
said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have
Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I
know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy
looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and
she turned into a telephone pole!"

GOOD SAMARITAN .
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She
described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the
drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little
girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "David, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"

HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how
powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power.
Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"

MOSES &THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday
school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy
lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got
to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people
walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They
sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the
most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month
to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just
couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past
the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23
in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The
Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

CHURCH SMILES
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country "Is there anything breakable in
here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the
lady.

AMISH BUMPER STICKER
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The
owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to
the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient
vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.''

SUNDAY SCHOOL MESSAGE
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was
about The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor
stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school
lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

**************************

On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2 business"
**************************

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
**************************

On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************

At a Tire Shop:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

At an Optometrist's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************

Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
************************

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Wouldn't it be nice to have your private number plates in your car personalized? I've seen some cars with personalized plate numbers and I really think they are cool. I didn't know that there's a website where you can get Private Number Plates for your cars. This is probably the best value private number plates and personalized car registrations on the internet. You can search millions of cherished car number plates, ageless car registrations, prefix type personalized number plates and current style number plates in this site. The good thing is that they do the transfer paperwork for you. They don't just send you a certificate and leave you to do the work yourself. This is a cool site.

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A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . . .


Now give me back my dog.

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Sex
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:

"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"


Church
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher said, "No shit?"

Pancakes
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father."

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I never heard of air ambulance before. We don't have it in the Philippines. How lucky is this country USA to have this kind of air ambulance service. I only know about the regular ambulance vehicle that take patience to the hospital. Nowadays, people are using the internet to find niche healthcare services and that resources available like airambulance.net make it easy and close the information gap. This site offers services to people who are sick to take them home with the utmost care. They routinely transport Americans who are abroad safely back home, as well as international clients. Their reputation has gained them repeat and recurring business across the world from the transport of international patients worldwide. They offer great services to their clients. They consult with the attending physician and the patient's family to determine the exact type of air ambulance service, precise medical equipment, and nurse or paramedic needed on board. Part of the process is to keep the family constantly informed. Their clients include social workers, Senators, Governors and the United States Marshall Service. Most of their efforts are spent bringing patients to better care facilities and bringing the loved ones of families home. Their dispatch is located in Miami, Florida and they have services all over the 50 states. So if you need to transport your sick loved ones home, contact airambulance.net and avail of their air ambulance service.

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The day finally arrived.

Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.


St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.

We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But, nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:

How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:

What is God's first name?"


Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says,

"Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers"

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"?

Shucks, that one is easy.

That would be Today and Tomorrow."


The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer."

"How about the next one?" asked St. Peter

"How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve:

January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd ... "


"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind ... but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied,

"it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied.

"I learnt it from the song,

'ANDY WALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.' "


St.Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run!"


Give me a sense of humor, Lord.

Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,

To get some humor out of life,

And to pass it on to other folks

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First-time buyers took out loans which were 88 per cent of the property''s value in January, compared to 90 per cent in December and January 2007, according to a new report.

Research from the Council of Mortgage Lenders (CML) has also shown that people moving house borrowed 70 per cent of the property''s value which was down from 73 per cent in December and 72 per cent in January 2007.

Michael Coogan, CML director general, said: "The wholesale funding markets remain largely closed and Mortgage funding still remains constrained. This is now having a discernible impact on lending criteria and the ability of first-time buyers to get into the housing market."

He added that the budget tomorrow represents a perfect opportunity for the government to help out first-time buyers by raising the stamp duty threshold.

In related news a UK house builder, Bovis Homes, has called for the Bank of England to cut mortgage rates.

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